Broken Dreams
by kelly4
Summary: Todd returns to Llanview believing his beloved Tea has been killed. Will he ever discover the truth?
1. Default Chapter

Chapter 1: A New Nightmare...

**June 16, 2000  
Llanview, Pennsylvania  
Viki's Cabin**

It was raining again. Just like the last time he was here. It looked the same, the cabin. Not that it would have changed much in just over three months. But one never knew with Viki and her whims.

He stands by the fireplace, in a daze. One of the many he had been in over the past few days. Feeling the drops of rain fall from his wet hair onto his hand. Reminding him he was real, this wasn't some bizarre dream, some God awful nightmare. This was real.

If he concentrated real hard, he could see her in front of him. Tears streaming down her cheeks. Her hand reaching out to his. The joining of their hands was like the completion of each other. Re-establishing the connection after 15 months and eight days apart.

_Mr. Manning...there's been an explosion...._

He swallows hard. Keep it together. Remember to breathe.

_....your wife was killed instantly...._

Wasn't possible. Had to have the wrong woman...the wrong car. They had to be wrong. Breathe. Remember to breathe. 

_I'm sorry._

Yeah, you're all fucking sorry. He blinks back the tears in his eyes. Keep it together. Three days since the cops had told him she was gone. And he was still waiting to wake up. 

When they had left, he had just stood in the living room of their small house, his body in a state of complete shock. Waiting for a blind rage to overtake him. But it never did. Instead, it felt like part of him had just died. He was numb. He stood there for hours, staring at the front door, waiting for Téa to walk through. All a mistake. Had to be a mistake. 

Shock had turned to devastation. Collapsing onto the floor, curling up into a ball. Not crying. He hadn't cried yet. Thinking about all the ways he could join her. Wondering if his gun was still in the house. How much liquor they had in stock. If the knives were nice and sharp. 

_Born to be together...we could die together _

But his eyes had glimpsed the framed picture of his daughter. And like she had so many times in the past, she had saved his miserable life. He had remained on the floor, curled up. His mind trying to wrap around how all this had happened. 

"_I've just gotta run some errands Todd. Tell you what, I'll pick us up a pizza for dinner okay?"_

_"Whatever. But none of that stupid fancy pizza, like with pineapple and crap. Just plain cheese."_

_"You really should broaden your horizons." _

_"My horizons are just fine. I just happen to think there is something wrong with putting fruit on pizza. So sue me Delgado." _

_"I can do that. But I'd rather just kiss you." _

_"Oh God, you're getting mushy."_

_"Deal with it Manning." _

The last time their lips had touched. The last time he had smelled the sweet scent of her hair. The last time he had held her close. The last words he had said to her. Breathe. 

The arrival of the police the following morning had been the only thing that had dragged him up off the floor. They had brought the few items not torched in the explosion. And news. 

_Mr. Manning, it seems the explosion was caused by a bomb. We found some remnants of it around the scene..._

A bomb. A fucking bomb. Intentional. Meant for her? Maybe, but more than likely meant for him. Proving that yet again involvement with Todd Manning leads to nothing but pain...and death. 

_...your wife was killed instantly..._

His wife. Of three whole days. He absently reaches in the pocket of his jeans, his finger slipping through the gold band. Her gold band. Slightly charred from the accident. One of the few things he had left of her. Fitting really. The continuous circle so much like her love for him, neverending, no matter what shit he pulled. It slips on his finger about halfway before it stops, too small to fit completely. But she fit with him, so perfectly.

He can feel the tears start to well in his eyes, her face floating through his mind. He blinks quickly. He couldn't cry. That would be...acceptance. That would make it all too real. He consciously pushes down the pain inside him, and begins picturing new faces. 

RJ Gannon. 

Anyone named Buchanan. 

_....caused by a bomb... _

Fucking intentional. And they would pay. He would find out who took her from him and they would pay dearly. Todd Manning was nothing if not an expert at revenge.

He closes his hand into a fist, feeling her ring against his palm. Close to him. It would never leave him now. A reminder of her, of what they had, what they would always have. A symbol of love. 

For three months, things had been good. Getting away from Llanview had allowed them time to work out some of their problems. They had fought, a lot, but what else was new? But it was ...good. Together. They had consciously worked on not walking away from each other. They had tried to _communicate, although more often than not they ended up exasperated with the other. But that was okay. Better than not talking at all. Better than not being together at all. Better than...now. _

He sniffs, again blinking back tears. Forget about now...concentrate on payback. 

Remember to breathe. For her. Breathe life for her. 

His thumb gently strokes the edge of her smooth wedding band. Closing his eyes, he feels a blinding pain wash over him. 

_Welcome to my nightmare... _

***** 

**A small villa  
Puerto Rico **

He watches closely for any sign of movement from her. It had been a long time since he had been this close. She was finally his again. Finally. For good this time. 

His eyes travel from her shoulder length hair, fanned out on the pillow, down her blanket covered form. She hadn't woken up really since he took her. Her moments of consciousness were groggy at best. She had no idea what was going on. 

He looks at her left hand. Ringless. Thanks to him. The nerve of her thinking she could ever wear another man's ring. He had yanked it off her hand and thrown it into the fire. Burning her old life, starting anew. Starting over. 

He picks up a newspaper that he had gotten on his way out of the town he had found her.

** Local Woman Killed in Mysterious Explosion.**

And no one would ever think different. He tosses the paper aside, leaning over her. 

"Finally, my Téa, we are together....forever. As it always should have been." 


	2. The Nightmare Continues

Chapter 2: The Nightmare Continues...

**June 17, 2000  
Buchanan Mansion **

Todd stares at the door, dreading what he's about to do. After spending a sleepless night at the cabin, allowing memories of her voice, her scent, to soften the pain inside him, he had strengthened his resolve. Find who did this. And make them pay. 

But even before that, he had to convince himself to keep living. And there was only one person who could do that. He also knew, though, if he saw his precious Starr, he'd have to tell her about her beloved "Tee". 

His eyes burns as the tears come, but as he had done since he had heard this god awful news, he blinks them back. No acceptance. Crying over her would be acceptance. It would make it too real. And it couldn't be real. It couldn't be possible that the rest of his miserable experience on this god forsaken planet would be without her. 

Sighing, he lifts his hand and quickly raps on the door, bracing himself for a battle with Blair. Nigel quickly opens it, and immediately does a take. 

"Yes?" 

"Yeah, I need to see Blair Cramer...Holden...Buchanan..whatever the hell she's calling herself these days." 

"Nigel? Who...?" he hears Blair's twangy voice drawing closer, and suddenly stop as she sees him in the doorway. "What the hell are you doing here?" she asks angrily. 

"Where's Shorty?" Todd asks gruffly, brushing past Nigel. Blair eyes him, noticing how awful he looks, but her anger at him quickly overrides any sympathy she feels towards him. 

"You have some nerve waltzing in her and demanding to see MY little girl! After you walked out on her! What, did you think you could just come and take her off to live with you and the Ice Princess?" she yells. Todd immediately glares at her in response to her reference to Téa. 

"Shut up about Téa," he says slowly. Blair grins snidely. 

"She left ya huh?" 

"Shut up!" he yells. 

"Can't say I'm surprised," she mumbles, glaring at him. 

"You don't know anything, Blair. You don't. Now, I wanna see my kid." 

Blair steps over to him. "Over my dead body." 

"Careful Blair, don't tempt me," he hisses back, his desire to see Starr and his anger and misery over Téa starting to get the best of him. The two are locked in a staring battle of wills when a joyful yell rings through the air. 

"DADDY!" 

Starr comes barreling into the foyer and leaps directly into Todd's arms. Blair's mouth forms a straight line as she glares at him, ticked that he managed to get his way yet again. 

"Hey Shorty," he says softly, squeezing her tightly to him. He carries her into the main room and sits down on the sofa, still holding her close. Blair follows them in, arms crossed defiantly. 

"I missed you!" Starr says, pulling back and kissing Todd's cheek. 

"I missed you too," he replies, taking in every inch of his beautiful daughter's face. Then he notices her pull back slightly and look towards the door. 

"Where's Tee? Is she coming later?" 

Todd swallows hard, his eyes never leaving Starr's face, wondering how in the hell he was going to explain this to her. He glances quickly at Blair. 

"Could we have a minute alone Blair?" 

"Not on your life, buddy," Blair retorts, walking over and sitting in a chair across from Starr and Todd. Todd shakes his head slightly, then turns back to Starr. 

"Uh, no Starr, Tee's not coming later." 

"Where is she?" 

Todd takes a deep breath and pulls Starr closer. "Do you know what heaven is Starr?" 

"Yeah, Mommy told me about that. She said that's where Jessie's baby and Uncle Mel went." 

Todd nods slowly, glancing at Blair, who is now staring wide eyed at Todd. His eyes fill with tears as he turns back to Starr. 

"Yeah, your Mommy is right," he says, his voice beginning to crack. 

Starr stares at Todd for a second, and he notices her bottom lip starting to quiver. "Daddy, did Tee go to heaven?" she asks sadly. 

Todd blinks quickly, not wanting to cry, not wanting to accept. "Yeah Shorty, Tee went to heaven." 

Starr's eyes fill with tears. Mommy had told her that when people went to heaven, they were safe and warm, but you wouldn't get to see them anymore. She shakes her head sadly as tears start to stream down her cheeks. 

"No! I want Tee Daddy! Make Tee come back!" she cried, burying her head in Todd's neck. Feeling his daughter sobbing against him was too much for him. The realization, having to say it out loud to the person he loved the most in the world, finally allowed the floodgates to burst open. He buries his face in Starr's long blond hair, soaking it with his long overdue tears. Blair watches this, shellshocked. That was the one thing she had never expected Todd to say. And while she had no love lost for Téa, she knew her daughter adored her, and she certainly never wished her dead. As if in a trance, she gets up slowly and walks into the next room, grabbing some tissues for her sobbing child. 

After a few minutes, Starr pulls back from Todd. He roughly wipes at his own face with the back of his arm. Blair hands him some tissues, and he gently wipes his daughter's heartbroken face. He manages a small smile at Starr. 

"You know how much Tee loves you Shorty?" 

Starr nods quietly. "I love her too," she whimpers. 

"Starr?" Blair says quietly, glancing quickly at Todd. "Remember how I told you that Uncle Mel would always watch over you from heaven? Well, now you have Tee to be your very own guardian angel," she says softly. 

"Yeah," Todd adds, silent tears starting to run down his face again, "and Tee will make sure nothing ever happens to you." 

"Daddy, can I go to my room now?" she asks quietly. 

"Yeah, Shorty. I'll be back a little later to see you okay? Hey," he says, pulling her close, "I love you." 

"I love you too Daddy," she says, as she slowly climbs off him. With her head down sadly, she heads toward her room. 

Todd wipes his face again, trying desperately to stop the tears. Blair looks at him sadly. 

"I'm sorry Todd." 

Todd stands up and walks over to the window. "Oh come on Blair, you hated her." 

"But I didn't wish her dead Todd! And Starr loves her, and I hate to see her hurting." 

He leans against the window, staring out at nothing. Feeling the sudden need to talk. "We had just gotten re-married, three days before," he says quietly. "We were making plans to come back here for a visit and tell Shorty about the wedding....and that she was gonna be a big sister." 

Despite herself, a tear slips down Blair's cheek. "Oh my God. She was pregnant?" 

"Yeah, found out about a week and a half ago. One month pregnant," he says softly. 

"Oh Todd. Oh I'm so sorry," she says sincerely. And she meant it. She knew what it was like to lose a child, and she knew Todd knew what it was like. Even she wouldn't have wished this on him. "How...how did it happen?" 

Todd turns towards her quickly, seemingly snapping out of some sort of daze. "Car bomb." 

Blair's eyes widen. "But who...?" 

"I don't know, but I'll tell you this, when I find out, there is no place on earth that bastard will be able to hide from me. And know this Blair," he pauses, his face taking on an angry countenance Blair knew well, "now that I'm back, I want my kid. She's had enough time living in Buchanan hell." 

Blair's sympathy was quickly evaporating in the face of another threat to her custody. "Damn you Todd! If you think that I'm going to let you take her away from me, than you are crazier than I thought!" 

"That's me," he says, grinning, "crazy. And desperate. Life's gonna suck for the residents of this burgh til I found out who took Delgado from me." 

"Oh, so you just take your pain out on everyone else?" Blair snaps. 

"You got a better idea?" 

"God, you are unbelievable." 

"Thank you. I'm outta here, but I'll be back later to check on Shorty." 

"You know, you can't just come and go as you please here Todd!" she yells at his retreating back. At the slamming of the front door, Blair covers her face and yells in frustration. 

On the other side of the door, Todd's body deflates. God, he didn't know how many times he could do this. Tell people this. Every time he even formed the words in his head, he felt like it was killing a bit more of him. 

He raises his eyes skyward, the dark clouds mirroring his mood. 

"Delgado," he whispers. 

***** 

**Puerto Rico **

A throbbing pain is the first thing that Téa feels, followed closely by the cottony feeling of her incredibly dry mouth. She rolls over on her back, the pain worsening in her head as she moves. Every muscle, every joint in her body aches. 

She opens her eyes slowly, squinting as the light of the day harshly greets her. A panic starts to fill her as she glances around. Where was she? She frantically tries to remember something, anything. But her mind at the moment is nothing but haze. 

Through her cloudy eyes, she sees the figure of a person standing in the doorway. Breathing a small sigh of relief, she blinks quickly. 

"Todd?" she whispers softly. "Where are we?" 

There is no response as the figure steps closer. Téa's vision becomes clearer as she blinks. When she finally focuses on the person in front of her, a wave of terror washes over her, and her mouth opens in complete shock. 

"Dios mio..." she whispers. 


	3. The Past Comes Calling

Chapter 3: The Past Comes Calling...

He walks over to the bed, sitting on the edge. Shocked brown eyes staring up at him. He smiles. With all the strength she can muster, she tries to push herself away from him. Shivering...being near him again. Shards of hurtful memories came back at her as she stared at him, piercing her growing consciousness. The overwhelming pain she feels as her body awakens convinces her early on that she isn't dreaming, although she would give anything to believe she was. 

"Can I get you something?" 

Her hackles rise at the sound of his deep, resonant voice. The voice that haunted her, still, only quieting in the presence of Todd. Mustering up her determination, she glares at him. 

"You can get me the hell out of here, you bastard," she hisses, wincing slightly at the twinge of pain coursing through her body when she attempted to move. 

He laughs, that smooth, silky, deceitful laugh. Téa shudders. 

"Still as fiery as ever, eh?" 

"Go to Hell," she spits. 

"No, not me. I'd say your hubby is probably already there though." 

A blast of fear overwhelms Téa. "What...what did you do to him?" she asks, her voice laced with panic. 

He leans down and picks up the newspaper. Smiling widely, he holds it up. Téa's eyes widen at what she sees. The words quickly become blurred as tears sting her eyes. She struggles to sit up, her muscles aching from...well she wasn't quite sure what. She reaches out and snatches the paper from him. Her heart sinks as she reads it. 

_Oh God...he thinks I'm dead.... _

Her breathing quickens as the enormity of the situation she's in begins to really hit her. Her eyes leave the paper, rising slowly to meet his. As quickly as she can, she raises her aching arm and slaps him across his smug face. A sneer crosses her face as she sees the red scratches left by her nails, the droplets of blood rising out of the welts. 

"YOU are a God damn bastard Miguel." 

***** 

Todd walks back into Viki's cabin, emotionally and physically drained. He'd said it today, too many times. To Carlotta, to Roseanne. Their faces crumbling in pain, the hatred directed at him. 

Oh yeah, he could read them. 

_It's your fault... _

They blamed him. He could tell. All they saw in front of them was a heartless monster. They didn't see the man who was dying inside, who felt like he'd lost half of himself. The only living part remaining was due to his beautiful daughter. 

Starr. He had stopped back over to see her, and found her sleeping. Cried herself to sleep, clutching an old picture of her and Téa. Broke his heart. He had taken the picture frame from her, gazing at it. It was a picture from Mother's Day, 1998. Starr had, of course, spent the day with Blair. But before she had left, she had whispered to Todd that she had a present for Téa. Shocked the hell out of Todd, how thoughtful his daughter was. She had presented a stunned Téa with a picture frame she had made in school, decorated with seashells. He remembered clearly the look on Téa's face. Awe, love....all mixed. He knew how much it meant to Téa, to be included on Mother's Day. He knew how insecure she felt about her mothering skills, even though she was a natural. 

He places down the picture, a lump in his throat. Thinking about her, about their baby. About all their dreams that were shattered into pieces...the remnants of which circled around him...followed him, whereever he was, whatever he was doing. 

He had placed the frame back in Starr's hands, lying down next to her. Wrapping his arms around her, pulling her close. Clinging to her life, so he wouldn't want death so much. His eyes roaming over her tearstained face. Wasn't fair, really. Starr had so much upheaval, so much loss in her life. First he walked out on her, then he came back, left again, comes back only to tell her the stepmother she loves wasn't coming back with him. Too much for a little girl to take. 

Too much for him to take. 

He'd stopped by Llanfair, but had had no luck finding Viki. He left a note, telling her where he was. Praying she would come to him, because he needed her. He needed to talk to someone, to break down, to have someone understand. His strength had given out when he saw Starr, and it had been downhill ever since. 

He also wanted to make sure Viki was okay. The guilt he felt at having not been around for his sister's illness ate at him more now. But with the loss of Téa, it was compounded. He couldn't lose Viki too. 

The thought hadn't escaped him that this was some form of divine retribution. Slowly taking away any and everyone who thought anything remotely good about him. Téa...Viki. He shudders. Not like he wouldn't deserve it. 

He grabs a beer from the fridge, chugging it quickly, wanting the alcohol in him as soon as possible. He craved numbness. The pain was too great, the jagged edges of their broken dreams stabbing at him. The interminable ache he felt in his heart, a huge emptiness. Threatening to overtake him. 

He reaches into his pocket and takes out her wedding ring. He slips it halfway on his finger, noticing the black dust marring the gold. But nothing could mar her, not even him. She had this way of taking him, understanding him. Dealing with him. Being straight with him. Being gentle with him. She always seemed to know when he needed her gentleness, too. She would stroke his hair, whispering in that soft voice Spanish words he didn't understand. But even if he didn't understand the literal meaning, he knew what she was saying. 

_Hush...it's okay Todd...I love you.... _

Her soft fingertips would graze his cheek as he leaned into her, resting his head on her shoulder. Closeness, intimacy, it was still hard for him, but every once in a while he would give into that human craving inside him, to wrap himself up in her. When the pain got to be too much. And she would let him, for as long as he needed to. One particularly bad night, she had sat with him the whole night on the couch, quietly holding him, whispering to him. Just letting him be...safe. Loved. It was that night that he first began to understand just how much she loved him, and what that meant. She had this.._need_...to comfort him, as instinctual as his need to have her comfort him. 

Leaning his head back, he wraps his arms around himself. Trying to recreate her warmth, her whisper. A tear slipped down the side of his face, dropping on his hair. 

This is the sight that greets Viki as she quietly opens the door. She had heard the news from a heartbroken Carlotta, and had immediately rushed home, hoping to find Todd there. When she found his note, she had set out for the cabin. She walks over to him quickly, wordlessly sitting down next to him. 

For a moment, he doesn't even move, react. Just stares upwards, letting the silent tears pour down his face. Finally, he turns his head towards Viki. Meets her eyes, seeing the sadness, the compassion...the love. His body deflates, and his face crumbles in pain. Sobs wrack his body as he buries face in Viki's shoulder..as he finally allows himself to break down. 


	4. May You Find Some Comfort

Chapter 4 ~ May You Find Some Comfort...

Miguel responds with a maddening smirk, one that only deepens as Téa winces at the pain caused by swinging her arm at him. 

"You can't keep me here," she spits. 

"Si, corazon. I can. You belong here. You have always belonged here. I'm just correcting your mistake." 

"Mistake?" 

"Thinking you could ever be with anyone else but me. We are bonded for life. Our child bonds us for life." 

His mention of 'child' immediately causes Téa to move her hands to her belly. Worrying that her baby was hurt, shielding it from Miguel. She watched him carefully, seeing something...different than she had remembered. It was subtle, but there. Before, he had been angry but confident, larger than life to her. Now, in his deep brown eyes, there was....a hint of madness. Taking a deep breath, she decides to try a calmer approach. 

"Miguel, I know you were upset when I decided to...to not have our baby. But you know why I couldn't, you were there." 

"For life, he binds us Téa, for life." 

A cold chill sweeps over Téa as she realizes he barely heard her. Her hands press lightly on her abdomen, trying to push her baby, her and Todd's baby, away from him. Keeping him or her safe. She watches Miguel's eyes focus in on her again, a sudden worried look darkening his features. 

"You are injured. I'm sorry about that, I didn't mean for you to be hurt. But it had to be done quickly," he says, matter of factly. He stands up. "I will get someone to come look at you, make sure you are alright," he says, turning to leave the room. 

As the door closes behind him, tears spring to Téa's eyes. She brings her arms up and wraps them around herself, trying to comprehend what exactly was happening. Where Todd was. What he was thinking. She sinks lower into the bed, hugging herself. Her eyes fall on the newspaper, boldly claiming her death. Her mind searches frantically for the events that led her to this awful place, but the aches in her body combined with the fuzzy gray fog in her brain make it nearly impossible for her to get any kind of grasp on the situation. 

She curls up on her side, trying to desperately to comfort the confusion and fear raging inside of her. Trying, in her analytical brain, to figure out how to get out of this mess. Trying to keep her stress at a minimum, for their baby. 

She clenches her fist tightly at the thought of Todd thinking she's dead. Thinking he had lost her and their baby. Wondering where he is. Would he go back to Llanview? To Starr and Viki? She hoped so. At least until she could figure out some way to contact him, she hoped he was at least with people who loved him, who would help take care of him. 

Glancing down at her left hand, she notices sadly that her wedding ring is gone. Not that she's surprised. The sight of it no doubt angered Miguel to no end. But without it, she felt like she was missing such a part of her. Yeah, it was just a ring, but it meant so much to her. It was like the physical representation of everything that she and Todd shared, everything they had overcome and would still have to overcome to be together. A perfect, shining, neverending circle. And that's what they were really. A never ending circle, perfect in its imperfections. Always coming back to each other, no matter the hardships, no matter the struggles. Shining gold like the Starr that had first brought them together, so long ago now. 

Exhausted, she closes her eyes. She knew she needed to come up with some kind of plan, but her body was too physically and emotionally exhausted. Normally, she would have tried to work through it, but she was terrified of putting her baby in jeopardy. Lightly stroking her left ring finger, she allows visions of only a week ago to flood her mind, comforting her... 

_"We're getting married." _

_His simple statement had shocked Téa. She had told him the day before of her pregnancy, but his suggestion of marriage was the last thing she had expected. And, honestly, she wasn't sure how to react. _

_"Excuse me?" _

_"You heard me." _

_"Todd..." _

_"Don't even bother arguing Delgado, we're getting married. Deal with it." _

_"Deal with it? Wow, the proposal of every girl's dream," she replies wryly. _

_"Aw, come on, give me a break huh? It's not like we haven't done this a few times before." _

_She tilts her head, taking him in. "And what if I don't want to?" _

_He blinks quickly, taken aback by her words. "You don't wanna marry me?" _

_"No, I mean, I do. It's not that." _

_"Sounds like it to me," he answers bitterly. _

_"Todd, I just...I don't want us to get married because I'm pregnant. I want us to get married because we want to get married." _

_"Wait, you think I'm just marrying you because you're knocked up? Come on Delgado, when have you ever known me to be noble?" _

_"Oh you are Manning, more than you realize." _

_Todd rolls his eyes. "If this is your way of trying to get me to get all mushy, you can forget it Delgado." _

_"Todd, I just don't want you to feel like you have to marry me, okay? Because you don't, I don't want you to feel trapped." _

_"You are blowing this completely out of proportion. I mean come on Téa, you know we were gonna get married again eventually. So, we're doing it a little sooner, big deal. Besides," he pauses, looking down at his hands, "I never really thought of us as not married." _

_His quiet voice brings tears to Téa's eyes. She walks towards him, reaching out to gently stroke his chin. _

_"Okay," she says softly, "let's get married." _

A tear slips out of her closed eyes as she remembers the feeling of Todd's arms surrounding her at her saying she would marry him. Unconsciously, she squeezes her arms tighter around herself, trying to recreate the feeling of his warm skin, of his soft hair against her cheek. 

Unaware of the cold brown eyes watching her from the doorway.

To Be Continued


	5. A Connection So Strong

_A connection so strong..._

Endless. 

Todd rubs fruitlessly at his red, swollen eyes and pulls back from Viki after what seems like an endless period of time. He takes in her sad, tear stained face, grateful beyond belief that even after all the shit he pulled, she was still there, still his shoulder to cry on when he needed her most. 

It was funny. He thought, in the back of his mind, that he might feel slightly better after letting all his pent up emotions out. He had kept it inside since he heard the news, not wanting it to be real, not wanting to admit to himself that it was really happening. But..he didn't feel better. He felt drained, he felt exhausted, he felt like all he wanted to do was crawl into Téa's arms and let her stroke his hair until he finally fell asleep. 

And then..he woke up, to the awful reality of what he was going through. 

Viki takes in the sight of him, her heart breaking. The sheer devastation, the loss on his face tore at her. The closest he had ever been to this much despair before was when he precious Starr was so ill years ago. She leans back against the sofa, wiping at her eyes. 

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" she asks softly. 

A strangled sob escapes Todd's throat as he puts his head in his hands. "Oh God..don't make me say it again Viki..." 

"Okay...ok," she jumps in quickly, "I just thought it might help...if you talked about it, but you don't have to." She watches him closely, watches as in nothing more than a second, his despair turns to fury. 

"What the hell's to talk about huh? God again laughs at Todd Manning. Another one of his fucking jokes." 

"Todd..I know you're upset..." 

"Upset? My wife and unborn child are gone because of a god damn car bomb and you think I'm _upset_? I don't think that begins to fucking describe it Viki." 

Todd turns toward her in time to see Viki's wide eyed stare at him. "What?" he asks harshly. 

"Child?" Viki asks quietly, tears filling her eyes. Todd's face crinkles in pain at that, and he nods silently. "Oh Todd...I didn't hear that part." 

Taking a deep breath, Todd stands up and walks over to the fireplace. Amazing how he could still 'feel' her in this place. He begins talking in a voice so low that Viki moves forward on the couch to hear him. 

"Things...things were ...good. Yeah, I know.. from me that's saying something. But, they were. Téa had just found out about the baby and we ran off to Vegas and got married again," he pauses, feeling her ring in his pocket. "Married three whole days. Some fucking honeymoon huh? They came...and they told me. I don't think I moved, I don't think I even breathed. I just stood there, after they left, watching the door...waiting for her to come through it. Then, I just laid on the floor, I don't even know how long...and I thought about all the ways I could end it...all the ways I could be with her again." 

"Oh Todd...no..no don't even think that way." 

"I didn't do it did I?" he replies bitterly. 

"What stopped you?" 

He turns toward her. "Starr." 

Viki nods. "That's what Téa would have wanted." 

"Yeah...you know while I was laying there...I kept going over what I said to her before she left. And I kept thinking how I didn't tell her I loved her," his voice breaks as fresh tears roll down his cheeks. "Do you think she knew that Viki?" 

Viki smiles tenderly through her tears. "I'm sure she did Todd." 

"I hope so....all she wanted in her life was for someone to love her you know? And to love someone...I remember she told me that once." 

"Not just someone Todd...you. She wanted you to love her, and you gave her that." 

Todd searches Viki's face, desperate to believe her. He needed to feel that, he needed to know inside that Téa really knew and understood how he felt, because he always wasn't so great at saying it out loud. Never in his life had he wished he had been able to go back and put into words all his feelings for her. 

"Her family blames me." 

"Honey, I'm sure they are just upset, give them time." 

"Yeah well I'm gonna find out who is responsible, that I promise you." 

"Todd, please, I know ...I know how angry you must be...but please ...you need to be careful and you need to be very sure before you go out on a rampage. Don't go off half cocked and put yourself in danger too." She watches him take in her words, knowing that they are probably falling on deaf ears. His hurt, his anger, his despair too strong to think logically. 

"Can I tell you something...and try not to think I'm nuts ok?" 

"Of course." 

He steps closer to Viki, shoving his hands in his pockets. "There's part of me...and I can't really explain it...but there is part of me that just won't believe she's really gone." 

Viki tilts her head sympathetically. "Todd...that's natural...denial can be very strong.." 

"No..no it's not denial. I don't know...when the cops came to the door...and told me I didn't believe it...because I didn't _feel_ it. For some reason...there was something about Delgado you know?" he pauses, sniffling and wiping his face roughly with his sleeve. "I could always just _tell_ when she was around, could tell when something was up or something was wrong. It was the same way with her....she knew I was in town when I came back for her before she even saw me." 

"You two had a very strong connection Todd." 

"Yeah...that's what bugs me you know? Why didn't I _know_? I mean...I saw the wreck," his voice falters as the vivid memory of the scene floats through his brain, "and there was barely anything left...the only thing I have of her is this," he says, pulling out her wedding ring. "But even now...there is still something....a little part of me that ...that just won't believe it." 

Viki sighs as she watches Todd walk over to the couch, gently stroking Téa's wedding band. She wouldn't tell him, but she was very afraid for him. Afraid of the rage that would be unleashed once he decided to push the anguish inside. Afraid of the consequences it might bring. 

And afraid that his denial would overtake him. 


End file.
